Breathing
by Eponine's Song
Summary: This is a love story, even if it doesn't seem like it. Falling in love seems simple...but it isn't. I found that out the hard way. (Kristanna)
1. Chapter 1

He is dancing.

I love to watch him dance.

I love to dance with him more.

I wish I was dancing with him.

But I am not.

I cannot see her face, but I know she is beautiful. Her hair is long and black, and her body is long and graceful, unlike my small, awkward one.

He smiles at her, a secret joke passing between their eyes. He whispers something and then spins her around and around.

I shut my eyes and try to imagine that I am her, the lovely girl. I almost believe myself for a moment, too.

"Will you marry me?"

I open my eyes and see him on one knee, a small velvet box in his calloused fingers. I imagine the ring to be elegant, yet simple. A diamond that is icy blue, his favourite colour, is in the black cushions. That is what I see in my mind, at least.

A curtain of black hair still covers the girl's face, but I can see her nod quickly. She stretches out her long, slender fingers.

He fumbles with the ring. He is clumsy, but I am too. She is not, though, and the girl guides the ring onto her finger.

I look away. I feel as though I am an intruder, a thief stealing a moment that is not mine. I look at my own hand, and put it in front of me as though there is a ring on it, too. My imagination cannot conjure a fantastical ring and I am left looking at my bare finger.

I miss him.

I really do.

**Okay it's been absolutely forever since I've written on here. This is sort of an epilogue sort of thing, but the rest of the story is coming! Please review and tell me what you think. Thanks :)**


	2. Chapter 2

I used to be happy, I think.

I can remember it all very well, but I do not know whether these thoughts are my dreams or reality.

But this is how I think it went:

* * *

Sometimes we just sit together in the sun. I feel the skin on my cheeks burning, but I love the heat too much to turn away.

He knows that. That's why he sits with me even though every day he comes in as red as a lobster.

Today we are sitting again. Laying, more like. We have chaise lounges but I like to sit in the meadow. My face is turned upwards at the sun, my eyes closed. I see the brightness of the sun through my eyelids, a pinkish dark color.

I feel the sun against my face.

I feel him looking at me, too.

My eyes still closed, I whisper, "What?"

"'What'?"

"What are you looking at me for?"

He is quiet, and I fear I've embarrassed him. Then he speaks.

"You're beautiful."

I look at him. He is staring at me with such intensity that I have to look away. My sunburn disguises my blush.

"Oh, shut up."

"You are." He sits up from his relaxed position. He puts his head close to mine.

Too close.

I turn away from him. "Kristoff…"

He shifts his position. "Sorry."

I don't know why he keeps doing this. I've told him that I'm not ready for a relationship right now. What happened with Hans was… I can't find the words for it.

We are both quiet for a minute.

"I'll wait for you, you know."

I look at him again. He has a confidence I've yet to find in anyone else.

"You don't have to do that. I don't know when I'll be ready…"

"I'll wait forever."

"...or if I'll be ready."

He is silent then.

He gets up, dusts himself off, and looks back at me.

"You will be."

He puts his hand out and I take it.

We go back inside and talk of other things.

* * *

And that was the first day.

**So? Do you like it? Please review! I really want some feedback. I'll update soon! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

After that, the days are a blur. The scent of wildflowers and the warm summer breeze is all I can remember clearly.

And then it happened.

That's when I started to notice it, at least. A change that had once seemed subtle had morphed overnight into the pink elephant in the room.

I knew he couldn't wait forever, as much as I wanted him to. It had been over three months and there hadn't been so much as a stolen kiss since I gave him his sleigh.

I blame myself. I told him that I wasn't ready. And maybe I wanted that to be true, but the truth was I couldn't see myself loving him.

At least not the way he loved me.

Sometimes we would be talking and I could see how his eyes lit up when he spoke, and I remember wanting more than anything to have eyes that brightened the way his did.

But I knew my stare was blank and uninterested.

I couldn't help it.

Because as much as I wanted to be in love with him, as much as I wanted to believe he was my Prince Charming… I knew I couldn't.

I think I was just starting to realize that on that warm summer evening.

When he sat next to me the whole night.

When he whispered sweet lies in my ear.

When he tried to kiss me.

Again.

And when I turned away again.

This time, though, I could tell it was different. The other times he tried to kiss me seemed sweet and innocent, my rejection seeming like a sly smile that said, "Not yet."

This time all of those "Not yet"s seemed to build up, and they formed this more permanent response:

"No."

It was unspoken, but understood. He sighed and told me without words that he wouldn't bother me anymore.

"Good night, Anna."

He walked away, and for a moment I thought about following him.

The thought didn't linger, and I often wonder what things would have been like if it did.

**Okay I know it doesn't seem like it but there's Kristanna in this! Just trust me. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

The days to come were a bit awkward, to say the least.

An invisible wedge had been driven between the two of us, Kristoff and I. I couldn't see it, but I could feel it.

But I wasn't worried. After all, Kristoff, at that time, felt more like a brother to me. A big teddy bear that I couldn't possibly be in love with.

Did I love him? Yes. Was I in love with him? I didn't think so.

He was polite to me. He told me his jokes and his stories, and I laughed and replied with my own. But it wasn't the same.

Things are never the same, after all.

We had plans to attend the Winter Solstice Ball together, and so we would still attend together. There was no spoken agreement of a "just friends" relationship.

But there wasn't a need for one.

* * *

I dreaded the ball in the days leading up to it.

I sat in my room one day and just thought.

I had the typical thoughts:

_Oh, it will be so awkward._

_What if he tries to kiss me?_

But thoughts I didn't know were there started to materialize, as well:

_What if he doesn't try to kiss me?_

When that last thought struck me, I was taken aback. After all, I didn't even want a relationship with the man.

Right?

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a knock at the door.

I immediately feared that my thoughts, which I thought were silent, had come out of my big mouth and into the air around me.

"Oh...come in."

Elsa opened the door. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Hey," she said. "Are you okay? I haven't seen you with Kristoff lately and you've been in your room a lot."

I hadn't realized our separation was so noticeable that even a queen could tell.

"Oh, no. I mean, yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm not-"

She put up her hand to stop me. "Are you okay?" she repeated.

I took a deep breath. "Yes. Just peachy."

I could tell she wasn't buying it. But she accepted my answer anyway.

"Alright, well if you ever need to talk, you can always talk to me."

"Sure, yeah," I said, silently praying that she would go away and leave me be.

With that, she left.

And I really thought I was okay. I thought I was better off, really.

I wish I could've seen how wrong I was.

**Okay, so tell me what you think! I write more often if I get more reviews, so...REVIEW! :)**


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